I can hear the sea from my window. It's pretty sweet.

After writing that title heard someone throw up outside my window. They're alive, its a-okay!

Anyway, my stream of consciousness begins in the customary manner - not in the beginning - but in and around the middle, which is coincidentally the largest part of me nowadays (my ego having deflated in conjunction with my waistband's expansion). I can't control myself. I eat and eat then throw up then my fingers bleed (hence title. What can I say? Alliteration always amuses). My knuckles have blisters and I feel like a terrible human being.

So, my decision is to fast for at least seven days, although 14 would be better.

I need to be thin again; to be in control, to feel weightless, genderless, all powerful, but gentle, yet strong. To feel, ultimately, like a god. I like my goals attainable (Y).

Self hatred running riot now.

What else about me, considering I'm skipping the beginning and the boring?

-I sleep around.

-So far I don't have herpes.

-I like Lord of the Rings and staying up all night.

-I just ate twenty waffles.

-I was anorexic and have "issues" with food (fucking duh).

-I don't know myself at all; what I see when I strip away the layers of identification is someone not likable, and it is intolerable being her. Like, curl up pathetically in a fetal position and wish your way backwards into the womb kinda intolerable.

-I <3 cherry tobacco and want beautiful tobacco babies.

-I am currently knitting the most beautiful scarf in the whole wurld ^-^

-Lists are, evidently, ingrained in my psyche as comforting and enjoyable.

-I am seeing my sister next week. These are things to keep my spirits up and myself hopeful.

-I am very jelly and shellfish. Spent this evening breaking boy's heart. Reason? Thought of other men whilst I sucked him off.

-I am a charming person who is of value in society.

-He told me I seem unhappy, but pretending to be cheerful. Think he maybe hit the nail on the head thar, did sonny jim-sonny boy.

-I have a recurring imaginary acquaintance, who is a chain-smoking, hat-doffing, cock-stroking, society scoffing, flying griffin called Pete. He somehow manages to be a self-promoting self-defeatist who rubbishes everything I say.

-I have never told anyone this, for obvious reasons. Reasons about my sanity.

Don't know what else to say. Don't know what doing with life full-stop. Help?